|
WoWCast Story Sessions
WoWcast Stories, Session 1
WoWcast Stories, Session 2
WoWcast Stories, Session 3
WoWcast Stories, Session 4
WoWcast Story Session 3 by Spurlock
Game Addition Clinic - Day One
Today I arrived at the clinic for video game addition. I am a little apprehensive about what the next two weeks will hold.
The flight yesterday from Cincinnati to Amsterdam was about 7 hours. Fortunately, I brought my laptop with me on the flight. I used the phone on the airplane to play for 6 of those hours. At only $4/minute, the bill will only be $1,440. Definitely worth it, as I used the time for grinding for gold. I was able to raise 450 gold in those six hours. That's only about $3 per gold.
Things have not started off so well since I have arrived. The staff refused to call me Spurlock, or even Spur, and I refuse to answer to Brian. They are doing the same thing to my new friend Luv2pwnu. He is a level 60 warrior on Whisper Wind.
The bastards also took my laptop. That's okay, as I cased several internet café's on my way from the airport.
For dinner they served tender wolf steak. Well, they got mad at me for calling it that. They also made Luv2pwnu and I sit at different tables after we started asking if anyone at the table was a healer.
After dinner, they led me up to my room for the duration. The room has a lock on it. They said its for my own good. That's okay, I have 300 lock picking skills, I'll be out in no time.
Game Addiction Clinic - Day Two
Well, things are going a lot more poorly than I expected. My much anticipated room-break did not go particularly well. The clinic must have gotten a hold of the Burning Crusade expansion, because I was unable to pick the lock. I think it must have required a 350 lock picking skill. I only managed to wedge 2 paperclips into the lock for all my troubles.
Not to be daunted by my initial setback, I decided to resort to my secondary plan, the window. I was pumped when I realize that they didn't bar or even lock the window. Only a screen, 2 stories and a $25 cab ride stood between me and some serious raiding. My first thought was to make a rope out of my bed sheets and climb down. Then it dawned on me, I can slow fall down. A 2 story fall is nothing to me.
With a mischievous grin, I jumped out the window, and landed on the ground with a very hard thud. My ankle gave beneath me, making a wet popping sound. Pain shot up my leg. Apparently the expansion must be messing with some other abilities as well. As I lay there in agony, I heard barking and the courtyard was lit up by a spot light. Before I could vanish, the dogs were on me and the spot light turned its hated gaze upon me. I was trapped.
Since the clinic didn't have any healers or runecloth bandages, they took me to the local hospital for diagnosis. Turns out I have a very severe ankle sprain. I am on crutches for the duration of the program. What makes matters worse is that because there are recovering drug addicts on campus, I'm not allowed to take any pain killers. This place really sucks.
The program officially started in the morning. At first I was excited because they were having each us sit down at a computer. I thought maybe they were going to ween us off our games. Maybe play for 12 hours today, and go down an hour or so each day. When I inquired as to where the WOW icon was, they informed me that we would not be playing at all during the program.
They had us launch a program that was designed to show us what would happen in 10 years if we kept playing. They took a current picture of us, and using some special software, added 10 "gaming years" to us. It was pretty shocking. In their future scenario, I weighed 350 pounds and was surrounded by pizza boxes and bottles full of urine because I would not stop playing to go to the bathroom. The program showed glimpses of me playing the game. I got in trouble when I stood up and cried bullshit. The counselor was distressed and asked me what was wrong. I told him that there is no way the graphics 10 years from now would look like they do now. They did not appreciate my input. The rest of the day did not go any better.
Game Addiction Clinic - Day Three
Last night was rough. Between the pain in my ankle and the howling of some guy in drug rehab clinic, I hardly slept.
Let me tell you about my fellow "inmates", I mean patients. There are 10 of us total, but I have already identified and recruited my party of 5.
You already know about Luv2pwnu. He told me how his level 60 orc warrior has a full tier 3 set and that he MT's in Naxx for his guild. He must be pretty good. He told me about how he tanks all 8 of Domo's guards by himself, and that the mages, warlocks and priests in his guild just aoe them down. Also, I didn't know that you could get FR of 450. He said that if your FR is over 400, that Rags actually gets knocked back, and that Vael will take fire damage instead of you. Hmm. Something not quite right here, I'll have to talk to Bludhoof about that.
We found our healer, her name is Destiny and she is a night elf priest. Amazingly, the language barrier is suspended here, as we can understand most of what she says. Yeah, I know, I said I didn't want to play with a night elf, but my options are pretty limited here. The only other healer is some goth girl who plays a shaman, and she is just plain scary. She goes on and on about it being unfair that there cannot be an undead shaman. If I here another damn work about her myspace account, I am going to need to attend the anger management counseling.
Anyway, I think Luv2pwnu is falling for Destiny. She giggles way to much for my taste and appears pretty needy. She doesn't even do the stripper dance correctly. I guess she's cute, but I've seen some of the girls from the sex addict clinic. More on them later.
As I said, my pickings here are pretty slim. A girl named Goldmoon (yeah, she's real original and bright) is our 4th member. She claims to have a character of every class/race combination. Not surprisingly, they are all level 20 or below. She is very into the RP. I have already heard the backstory on at least 10 of her characters. Still she's better than goth girl. She is always in character, which is annoying. But she plays all different characters each day, and none of the characters know about each other. I thought she was still "on" as her rouge and asked her if she was sword or dagger. Apparently she was on her priest, because she explained she couldn't' use those weapons. I've dubbed her Sybil.
My 5th member was tough to find. There were 3 other Wow players (including the goth chic), but I actually picked a 15 year old kid with the handle PK4life who has never wow'd. He plays Halo 2, and if the way he handles eating utensils is any indication, this kid would make an amazing hunter. He actually used his spoon to launch 5 grapes a second at one of the guards, I mean counselors. He said he won't play at less than 90 FPS, and spent ˝ of yesterday trying to figure out how many FPS he gets in RL. PK4life is also a bit jumpy. He didn't hear me walk up behind him until I was only a step away. Next thing I know, he had a fork at my throat. Plus, he is actually pretty polite and never interrupts. When Sybil gets on my nerves, I just tell her how PK4life was wondering about her back story. That keeps them both busy for a while. Yes, he'll do just nicely.
Part of our therapy involves sharing gaming horror stories. The counselors are all "recovering" gamers, so they went first. Some of the stories were actually pretty sad. One guy actually lost his family and his home because he played so much. Most of the others just explained how they thought it had cost them financially and emotionally. One guard, who obviously hasn't looked in the mirror for a while, thinks that the reason he'd never kissed a girl was because of gaming. Well, maybe the halitosis had something to do with it.
Still, I like most of the counselors on a personal basis. They are nice, well meaning people. And then there is the "guard" we call Noob. This guy is a first rate berk. When he was talking about how gaming impacted his life, he almost seemed to be relishing in relaying his accomplishments. It seemed he wanted us to know that he was an elite gamer and he had given it all up. He constantly makes snide remarks to us. He has moved my crutches 4 times already. Its really pretty tiresome. Pk4life seems to remember the guy from Halo 2. He is going to try to get in contact from someone from the outside. We heard that for a bottle of cough medicine, one of the women in the alcohol recovery program can get us access to a phone. We are working on getting one.
When it came my turn to share a gaming story, I decided to embellish a little to make it more interesting. I told them that I was so addicted to Wow that I had played 100 hours per week, and forced my 5 and 6 year old kids grinding for gold 80 hours a week on separate accounts. The counselor's were abhorred. Luv2pwnu did think my explanation that my kids were 1/8 Chinese was funny but most of the others just looked at me blankly. I get that a lot here. Actually, I just get that a lot period.
Well, they are serving dinner. They call it calamari. I call it grilled squid. I am going to try to sneak some up into my room. It only increases agility for 15 minutes. I might need it tonight.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 4
This morning started off with a role play therapy session. When they announced it role playing, I called dibs on the rogue. Noob informed us that the roles were predefined, and were not fantasy related. The scenario was that one of the counselor's played the role of a high school senior who was flunking out of school and because he was playing wow too much. I played the father, and Goldmoon the mother. The "son" said that he learned more from wow than school.
Apparently, my guidance to my "son" of "that's right son, the economics of the auction house provide an excellent example of real life supply and demand. And Wow offers an excellent model to study the maturation of an economy, and how it impacts pricing. Interestingly, wow has a free market driven economy in the auction house and player transactions, and a command type economy based on transactions with vendors, trainers and other NPC. Its almost like having the US and old Soviet economy exist side-by-side" was not the answer they were looking for. I thought Goldmoon had them with her argument that he should focus on obtaining 300 tailoring skill to excel in the real world. One of the guards, I mean counselors, pointed out that 3rd world kids with 300 tailoring skills make $1 per day. Yeah, that sucks.
There was this girl in the sexual addiction program who caught my eye. Her name is Amanda. She is 6', dark brown hair and an absolute knockout. When we were in line at the cafeteria, I stealthed my way up next to her. We must have some sort of karmic connection, because her eyes followed me the entire way. Or maybe she has detect invisibility as an innate ability. This whole Burning Crusade expansion that they must have going here is playing tricks with my abilities.
Amanda leaned over to me, kissed my neck and sultrily whispered in my ear, "Spurrrrrrr, do you want to go to my room and get intimate with me and my roommates, Megan and Gigi?" I could barely contain my excitement as the electricity shot down my spine. I whispered back in my deepest voice, "I would love to cyber with you three. Maybe we can get on vent too to make it hotter." Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because she turned and stomped off. Later, Amanda must have me mistaken for an alcoholic, because when I walked past her later, I heard her cough *boozer*. Pk said that she said loser, but I know that couldn't' have been right.
Part of the program involves physical exercise. The counselors say this will help us become stronger and take our minds off the game. I really don't see what the big deal will be about running, jumping jacks, pushups, etc. Spurlock can run for hours from one end of the Barrens to the other without getting tired.
Unfortunately, my ankle kept me from participating in the exercising. The party's quest was to run around the block 8 times. I was shocked when most of party was panting after only one lap around the block. After the 2nd lap, most were on their hands and knees gasping for breath. No one completed the quest, so there was no xp for the team. Damn! Blizzard must have put some type of endurance trait in this expansion.
The next quest was to do 100 jumping jacks. The team did not fair so well on that task either. Funny, I noticed that whenever my teammates jumped, their thumbs moved as if striking the space bar. Now that I think about it, when Luv2pwnu ran, he had his left ring finger extended as if pushing the "w" button. I yelled at him to use auto run, but it didn't seem to help his endurance.
At dinner time my hands started to shake and I started to sweat a bit. One of the guys from the alcohol treatment program asked me how long I've been off the sauce. I told him that I haven't had a drink in months. He laughed and said he had the same symptoms after he had stopped drinking for 3 or 4 days. What a coincidence.
Dinner tonight was a glass of cold milk, conjured bread and some cooked glossy mightfish. Mmmmm. Tasty.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 5
The sweating and shaking were worse today. The guards say if it gets much worse, they are going to put me on methadone.
This morning we formed a guild. In order to get the requisite 10 signatures, I had to steal some glue from the arts and crafts table and smuggle it to the substance abuse users. YouMightAsWellFaceItYou'reAddictedToWow was born. We did have some concern that the name was too long but I think it will work out.
We held an election for guild leader, which I won handily. In addition to securing their signatures for the glue, I also ensured that the huffers voted for me. My first act as guild master was to kick the huffers from the guild.
We had a character transfer from another realm today. The counselors refer to it as a new person entering the program. Her name is Alachia. She is a level 60 gnome mage from Boulderfist. That's a PVP server, so I know this girl can throw down. She has the cutest pink pig tails that spin around when she casts a spell. I immediately invited her into the guild.
We formed a 6 man raid, and after lunch we decided to escape during calisthenics . Luv2pwnu charged Noob, temporarily stunning him. Pk4life grabbed a handful of stones in the yard and did a multishot on the remaining two guards. I think he crit one of them, because the guy had a nasty red gash on his forehead. Luv2pwnu taunted them with "Learn2guard noobs". They must have resisted because they went after Pk4life. He tried to feign death, but they were immune. They gave him a quick kick in the ribs and hauled him up.
Things soon took a turn for the worse, as another guard charged Luv2pwnu. He did manage to shield bash Noob with a garbage can lid, but the add quickly took him down. These guards must have been a lot tougher than Domo's elite or maybe our healing sucked. Definitely not the rogues fault.
The guards in the yard must have been linked to the ones in the building, because pretty soon, we were surrounded and subdued. I fought one off with my crutch, but another snuck up behind me and hit me with a cheap shot.
After our visit to the spirit healer (the guard called it an infirmary) we were led back to our rooms. Noob said we would be more amenable to the programming after a night without dinner. Alachia winked at me, and told me not to worry. When the guards weren't working she slipped me a bottle of water and some bread. She whispered, "eat them before you go to sleep or they will disappear, I just conjured them."
As I sat in my room looking at the bread and water, it struck me. The bread was in a bag labeled Wonder and the water bottle had a label Dasani. Could it be true? Had Blizzard sold the naming rights to the level 70 conjure food and water spells to some corporations? Was the next level of bandages going to be Band-aid? Would we soon see Bud Light instead of Rumsey Light Ale? Where would it stop? Would the instances soon be named after companies? Would they rename it Black And Decker Wing Lair? The possibilities were endless. Before a quest giver would give us our quest, would we have to read a commercial first? Could the very items we covet so much become commercialized? I could almost hear it over vent now, "Woot, I just got the Smith & Wesson Blastershot Rifle."
These thoughts disturbed me greatly. Their weight, and the beating from the guards soon took its toll, and I drifted fitfully to sleep.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 6
I didn't sleep at all last night. Today I felt nauseous, chills and a bit jittery.
Today we had our first bit of loot drama. As we were raiding through the lounge, I saw a loose cushion on one of the sofas. When I lifted it up, I saw our first epic drop. A ˝ thick rubberband. Placed over the index finger and thumb, it was an excellent source to launch a projectile at high velocity. We talked about how this impromptu slingshot was the perfect ranged weapon for Pk4life. Easily concealable and able to use many kinds of ammo, this was a most fortuitous find. We all agreed to pass for Pk4life.
Alachia, Destiny, Luv2pwnu and I all passed. Pk4life did a greed roll and got a 50. Then to everyone's shock and dismay, Goldmoon rolled greed and got a 99. When confronted about why she had changed her mind about passing, Goldmoon stated that her priest and warrior had passed, but her hunter was entitled to the weapon.
After an hour long "discussion", I finally decided to implement a DKP system. Our 0 sum DKP system, dubbed RAP (Recovery Addict Points), grants raiders points when items drop and charges them for items taken. In order to keep things simple, as we didn't have a computer, all weapons are worth 20 RAP, and all armor pieces worth 10. There was considerable discussion about whether to make the system retroactive. Goldmoon insisted that if she was charged 20 rap for the rubber band, that I be charged 20 each for my 2 crutches as I had used them as weapons the previous day. Tired of arguing, and not wishing to go 40 RAP in the whole, I decided against retroactivity.
We had two therapy sessions today. During the morning treatment, they brought in what they described as a "recovered WOW addict" named Joe. He went on to explain how he had been sober from WOW for 90 days. Joe talked about how much more fulfilling his life was now. How he could hardly wait to get home from work and turn on the network sitcoms. He didn't waste 30 hours a week playing Wow anymore, he spent 30 hours of quality time watching television.
Something didn't seem right about Joe. For some reason, I suspected that he had never played wow. He said he had played a fighter, and his best friends a thief and a wizard. During the Q&A session, I asked him some questions. Had he ever done a 50 man raid into Kashfire Chasm? Had he defeated the one-eyed mute mime at the end of BWL? Had he milked an Ancient Core Hound in order to get the mats to make healing potions? Had he choked his chicken in Westfall to get the non-combat mini-Diablo pet? He solemnly nodded yes to each of these questions. I knew then that he was a phony.
I learned a valuable lesson in the afternoon therapy. I need more nature resistance gear, because we started electroshock therapy. Damn that hurt. It was kind of funny to watch Goldmoon's treatment. Every time they shocked her, she switched personalities.
Pk4life started crying after the therapy. I asked him what was wrong. He said he wanted his family and was willing to give up video games. I slapped him in the face and told him to man up. Destiny said that he was probably going through post-traumatic stress disorder. I turned on her and told her no more excuses. I yelled that the next person that cries or breaks on one of my raids is getting a 50 DKP penalty.
I ate dinner alone tonight to show the raid members I was displeased with them. Hot lion chops for the win.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 7
After breakfast, the guards informed us that we were going on a field trip today. They were taking us to a nearby park for a day of hiking and "relaxing". They explained that getting outdoors would not only help us forget about the game, but would also be good for our health. I, noy surprisingly, am skeptical.
The 2 hour blimp (the guards said it was a bus) ride was awful. We drove by 3 internet café's. You could see the despondent looks on my party's face as we drove by each and every one. We gazed longingly at each one until, one by one, they disappeared out of sight.
Finally, we arrived at our destination. The park looked nice, but Destiny accurately commented on how the graphics weren't as realistic as those in Elwyn Forest. Where were the wandering deer, cows and wolves?
After walking ten or fifteen minutes, most of the raid was pretty exhausted. The pain in my ankle was making walking on the trail very difficult. "Why don't you have Destiny heal you?" Noob mocked.
"What a dumb bastard", I thought to myself. Of course we tried that. For some reason she is not able to target me, even though we are in the same raid. Then it hit me. I am a 300 level alchemist. I'll make a major healing potion!
During the rest of the hike, I was able to secure the items that I needed. I picked the required Mountain Silversage and Golden Samsan. After my pockets were full, I stuff some of the Mountain Silversage down the front of my pants in order to conceal it from the guards. I also found an empty Dasani water bottle on the ground. I think that this should substitute nicely for a crystal vial.
By the time we got back to the blimp, my hands had broke out in hives, and itched terribly. Soon the hives and itchiness had spread to my groin. I pulled the Mountain Silversage out of my pants, and tried to discretely scratch myself. One of the guards walking by pointed to the Mountain Silversage on the ground and said "Watch out for that stuff, its poison ivy?"
I was in agony the rest of the trip back to the city. My hand was down the front of my pants so much that one of the guards threatened to enroll me in the sex addict clinic. It itches so bad. I never thought rubbing my dick would not feel good, but this just hurts.
Fortunately, the goblin driving the bus took mercy on me and agreed to stop at a local pharmacy so I could pick up some lotion for my poison ivy. They let Pk4life go in to help me, while a counselor stood at the counter to ensure we didn't buy any banned items, like alcohol, cough syrup, condoms, etc.
I needed that cough syrup to trade for the phone call, so on the way into the store, I stopped to tie my show and pocketed 2 acorn sized rocks. I would need these for my distract skill. I picked up my lotion and then went over to the candy section where a 10 year old kid was perusing the selection. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, I flipped one of the rocks in the air towards the kid, and said "Catch". Just as he caught it, I pivoted and threw the other rock through the store's plate glass window which exploded into a shower of small brilliant shards. As everyone in the store turned to face us, I pointed to the kid with the other rock still in his hand and said, "OMG, did you see what he did." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Pk4life leverage the distraction to pocket a bottle of cough medicine. He walked slowly towards the door, placing a $5 bill on the counter as he went by (stealing is wrong after all). The kid started sobbing as the shop keeper and his father verbally berated him. I used the opportunity to pay for my lotion and leave.
When I got back in the bus, the raid quietly celebrated. I awarded Pk4life and myself 500xp for acquiring the lotion. I've promised him another 500 when we trade the cough medicine for the phone call and another 1000 after we found out the dirt on Noob.
We feasted on roasted quail tonight and had served cinnamon rolls for desert.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 8
They gave me my first treatment of methadone today. Strangely, the shakes have gone, and my foot doesn't hurt as much as before.
Today we participated in some cross addiction Warsong Gulch PVP. The guards called it capture the flag, and the rules were slightly different. It was WSG meets flag football. Like WSG, each 10-man team tried to capture and cap the other team's flag while their own flag is at its base. Best out of 3 wins. Like flag football, you send a player to the graveyard by capturing both of the yellow strips of cloth velcrod to their shirts.
As we only had 6 in our raid, we took on 4 pugs from the game addiction program. We decided, due to my limited mobility, that I would guard the flag. Pk4life chosen to be the flag running due to his superior speed.
Our first match up was against the gambling addicts. They used a pretty risky zerg strategy to try to overwhelm our defenses and capture our flag. In the first contest, a dice fiend and two keno junkies broke through our defenses. Only I stood between them and capturing the flag. An evil grin was pasted on their faces as they were certain that a hobbled troll would provide little resistance. I cannot quite describe the horror on their faces as my right crutch swung up, catching the dice fiend squarely in the jaw. I used the left crutch to trip one of the keno junkies, and he stumbled knocking down his teammate. Two headshots and 6 collected yellow cloths later, I had dispatched them back to their graveyard. We won the match 3-0.
The second match was against the obsessive-compulsive team. Their team somehow had managed to secure uniforms that were all tucked in neatly. They had actually swept their flag room between matches. They were fast and athletic, but we were able to exploit their weakness. Prior to the game starting, I peed on our flag and rubbed it in the dirt. I then sat down and watched as one by one they ran over to it, but couldn't bring themselves to pick it up. We won, 3-0.
The semi-finals we took on the social anxiety disorder inmates. I'm not quite sure how they won any game at all. They appeared to employ a modified turtle strategy. They all stood around their flag room staring at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. After Pk4life capped the flag twice completely unchallenged, I hobbled over and made the third cap myself.
The final match pitted us against the all female sexual addiction patients. They made the first flag cap by using exploitation. Amanda and Megan flashed me, exploiting the human male's inability to look away from female breasts. Gigi used the opportunity to capture the flag, and eventually cap it. To avoid this exploit, we put Destiny and Goldmoon on flag duty. We made the 2nd flag cap.
It all came down to the final flag cap. The girls used yet another exploit in an attempt to win. One of them jumped up on a flowerpot, hopped on a wall, and ran over to the roof of a nearby building. I put in a ticket to the GMs. They did not respond until after the game was over. Typical. Eventually we figured out a way to get Pk4life on the roof. He snuck up behind their flag carrier and pushed her off. She struck the ground with a satisfying thump. As her teammates looked on in horror, we returned our flag and capped theirs. WOOT! We had won, 2-1.
We collected our honor tokens, and savored our victory. I was so proud of how our team had come together and overcome this challenge. These 4 pugs had joined us and were an important part of our victory. As I was booting them from the raid and denying their application for guild membership, I really appreciated their contribution.
Tonight we are exchanging the cough syrup for the 15-minute cell phone access. This thought, and the pride in our accomplishment made the Nightfin soup served for dinner even more satisfying.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 9
Last night we exchanged the cough medicine for the phone call. We had fifteen precious minutes of contact with the outside world. I have the phone to Pk4life to make the call, and told him to hurry. My thought slipped away as it struck me for the first time that I had told no one of my plans to attend the clinic. So many people would be worried about me.
I was suddenly brought back to the present. "Five minutes left," said the boozer with the purple cough syrup dripping down his chin. I looked over at Pk4life, who was mashing buttons furiously.
"What are you doing," I whispered?
"Sorry, sending the text message to my friend. I'm not used to this phone layout," he explained.
"Why didn't you just call him," I nearly screamed?
"Oh, never thought of that," PK confessed. "I'm done now though."
I snatched the phone from his hand and dialed my voicemail. The first message is from my wife, wondering when I'll be home. Delete. Two more messages from my wife, now she's worried. Delete. My boss wonders if I'm sick. Delete. More messages from my wife, she is angry now. Delete. My boss tells me if I don't' come in by yesterday, not to bother coming in again. Delete. More messages from my wife. Delete. A message from my kids, "daddy, we miss you, please come home." Delete.
I had only precious seconds left when I got to the final message. It was the message that I had dreaded that I would here. It was dated today. "Spurlock, this is Bludhoof. Look, you've missed all 38 raids over the past 7 days. Because we've been friends for 20+ years, I'm going to give you 2 more days to log in and explain yourself. If you don't, I'm going to penalize you 50 DKP per raid you missed and put you on probation. " Click.
At that moment, I knew how Atlas must have felt, to have the entire weight of the world resting on ones shoulders. "My DKP," I muttered softly. "My precious DKP. My precious."
Crestfallen, I dropped the phone in the hands of the purple chinned boozer. "Get some bad news partner," he mocked? "Too bad you used up all your minutes." He and his companions laughed.
I raised my head and met his eyes. "Actually, I do," I said, fully in control again. "That cough syrup right there" I said pointing to the bottle clutched in his hand, "Its alcohol free." The color drained away from his face, as I turned around and walked away.
The rest of the day was largely a blur as I mourned the impending loss of my DKP. How would I get to the computer? What could I do? I only knew that I could not go on without my precious DKP.
It was in that dark fog that thoughts most foul and vile crept into my mind. I had heard unsavory guild mates talk of a place that might be able to help me. A place that sold DKP for real life money. For only a few hundred dollars, I could replace my lost DKP. It was not without risk. The game manufacturer imposed severe penalties if you were caught, however. Even first time offenders could be subject to the death penalty. Some players called it the "electronic" chair. I couldn't risk it. Besides, how could I look at my guild mates again? I would not shame them by stooping so low.
At that moment I made up my mind. I would figure out a way to escape tomorrow night. If the raid would not attend, then I would do it alone. I had to. My very life might depend on it.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 10
It was a somber morning as we sat down for breakfast on the tenth day of our stay. Never before had I faced such adversity. My DKP was at stake. My position as a Ueber Rogue Raider in my Scarlet Crusade guild Angst was at stake. How could I prevent this tragedy? The rest of my current guild mates sat quietly, either out of respect or fear.
As I gazed around the cafeteria, despair threatened to overwhelm me. For the first time I noticed the motivational signs hung around the room. As I unenthusiastically read these quips copied from self-help book, one sign caught my eye. "You can beat your addiction!" was written in yellow letters on a black background. Sitting under the "!" sat an elderly man in a Joe Dromedary t-shirt.
I hurried over to the man and introduced myself. "Spurlock, I've been waiting for you. I'm Clint, and I am a life long smoker. Can you help me?" he began. As he droned on, I looked around for the instant quest text feature, but apparently this was disabled in RL. I would have to listen to his entire ramble. Finally, he concluded, "So, if you can escort me to Smokey, he can reward you for your help. You will be able to choose from a gift card to the Dragon Flight Internet Café or leftover desert from last night."
Although I hate escort quests, I accepted and began looking around for Smokey. Then I remembered the signs. I scanned the signs until I found the one I needed. "What are you waiting for?" was plastered in yellow letters on a blue background. Beneath the "?" sat a man who looked like he was pulled out of a 70's cigarette advertisement. This had to be Smokey.
We quickly moved to escort Clint across the room. Unfortunately several guards came over to intercept him. Apparently his t-shirt was considered contraband. What compounded the problem was that Clint insisted on moving at a walking pace (don't all escort quests), and wanted to stop at every table to say hi to people. At this rate, we would not reach Smokey before the guards caught us. I looked at Sybil. "Are you in your hunter alt" I asked? She nodded. "Good," I said, "feign death!" Before she could react I placed my left crutch behind her legs and pushed her with my right arm. She fell hard, striking her head on the tile floor.
The guards saw Sybil sprawled and motionless on the floor, and failed their resists. The small trickle of blood coming out from the back of her head even added to the realism. Destiny actually gasped, believing Sybil to be dead or seriously injured.
With the guards occupied with Sybil, we cleared the remaining three tables and successfully arrived at Smokey's table. As I greeted him, Smokey said, "Well met Spurlock. You have braved the dangers of the cafeteria to bring Clint to us. Please choose your reward." Smokey held a gift card in one hand and a half-eaten cookie in the other. I took the card, thanking him. My reputation with the smokers increased to friendly.
Before I could ask Smokey for further help, Pk4life said, "Ding! I hit level 10."
"Grats!" said Destiny.
"Woot, good job" said the grinning Luv2pwnu.
"OMG, U R 1337. WOW4LIFE," exclaimed an excited Alachia.
"Congratulations PK. We need to get you your pet soon," I promised.
Smokey explained that once we became honored with the smokers, we could obtain a key to the boiler room. There was a window in the boiler room that would allow us to sneak out of the facility undetected. "If you want to become honored with the smoker, bring us 500 cigarette butts. We can use the leftover tobacco to make our own cigarettes." I accepted the quest and shared it with my guild mates.
I approached one of the friendly guards and suggested that we get out and gave something back to the city. "What if we helped clean up the city by picking up litter today?" I innocently suggested. The guard thought that it was a great idea, and an hour later, we were on the streets of Amsterdam.
During the first hour, we did not find any cigarette butts at all. It was pretty frustrating. We even looked in some public ashtrays, but they were all empty. Did anyone smoke in Amsterdam, or were they just more courteous than Americans in disposing of cigarette butts? I was about to give up when it struck me. I looked at my quest log. This was not a raid quest, and we were still in a raid. I disbanded the raid, and formed a 5-man group. I told Sybil to make her own with her alts.
Immediately after reforming the party, we began to find the highly coveted butts. It took us six hours, but we had finally gathered them all. When we returned to the facility, we turned in the butts and hit honored with the smokers. Smokey gave me the key. He told me that if I turned in 50 packs of cigarettes or 3,000 butts that I could make revered. That would entitle me to buy some gum or something. I politely declined. As I was turning to go, he grabbed me by the arm. "A warning to you son, "he said solemnly. "The boss of the maintenance crew guards the window. You'll have to get past him to make your escape."
As we ate dinner, we quietly discussed our strategy for tonight's boiler room raid and our first boss encounter. I hope we are up to the task.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 11
As we stood at the door of the boiler room, I could feel the sweat on my palms and the butterflies floating and tumbling in my gut. We had spent the last 2 hours gearing up and preparing for this moment. There were no strategy guides for this boss on wowwiki or anywhere else we looked. We were flying blindly.
I instituted a ready check, and after waiting a minute for Sybil to respond, I turned the key and slowly opened the door. The room was hot and muggy. Steam leaked from the overhead pipes and the bellowing of the boiler room made hearing difficult. In the center of the room stood a man dressed in a butler suit. On his right stood four men holding brooms. On his left stood four more men holding mops.
The man's malevolent gaze trained on me. His deep voice boomed over the sound of the boiler engine, "I am the Director Of Maintenance Operations, you dare violate my scared lair?" As his eight guards rushed us, Goldmoon rushed past them to off tank the D.O.M.O. Luv2pwnu rushed into the middle of the eight guards, spamming his taunt, "Down with the union. You all are a bunch of picket line crossing scabs. " They quickly turned on him.
"Don't wait for sunders on the adds," I yelled, "burn them down."
Alachia calmly stepped up pulling out a can of hair spray and a cigarette lighter from her backpack. She used these to make an impromptu blowtorch that she turned on the guards with glee. From their screams, these guards had clearly not spent time grinding for FR gear. I waded into the fray blade flurrying my crutches. Alachia smiled and aimed a blast my way, providing my crutches a fiery enchant. These twirling crutches of death cut down guard after guard.
While the guards were nearly decimated, Domo was running loose. He had one shotted Sybil, Destiny and Pk. As we put down the final guard, he charged Alachia, taking her down as her hair spray ran out. Luv2pwnu charged Domo, grabbing his left shirt pocket and ripping it off. One sunder. They grappled for several minute, neither able to gain an advantage. Only the discipline gained from those many months of raiding kept me from hitting before the second sunder. I discarded my crutches, which were now red and useless from the fiery enchant. Domo broke free of Luv2pwnu's grasp, and landed a mortal strike to the side of the head. As Luv2pwnu fell, he managed to grab Domo's shirt and rip off half a dozen buttons. The second sunder was landed, I could finally attack.
With everyone in the party down, I knew the odds were against me. One rogue against a boss. As Domo lunged for me, I used my last trick. I reached into my pouch, grabbed a handful of blinding powder, and tossed it into Domo's face. Apparently Ajax is a much more powerful blinding powder than fade leaf, because instead of standing around disoriented for 10 seconds, Domo fell to the ground screaming for mercy, and clawing at his eyes.
We had one. Our party was the first group to take down this boss. "Woot!" I screamed, immediately grateful that the boiler room would keep the sound from alerting the guards upstairs. I glanced over behind Domo and saw a small chest. Before opening it, I administered to my party members, treating their wounds with bactine and bandages. I told them how proud that I was of them.
Anxiously we opened the chest to see what epic loot had dropped. The first thing that caught my eye was an enormous dagger that looked like it had been shaped out of a massive dog's tooth. It looked magnificent. Since I am a sword rogue, however, we decided to shard it. Underneath the dagger was a set of car keys. I snatched them up.
Slowly we made our way out of the small window in the boiler room. Parked next to the window was a black conversion van with an exquisite paint job of flame and 9 suns. Alachia dubbed the van Ragnaros. I found the right key, and opened and started up the van. The raid piled in. We were off to the Black Dragon Internet Café.
We arrived at the Black Dragon Internet Café fifteen minutes before closing. Our $20 gift card was enough for each of us to log on to our accounts for fifteen minutes. I quickly grabbed a seat, launched wow, and entered my credentials on the login screen. I groaned as the message appeared that I was number 206 in the queue, and the estimated wait time was 7 minutes.
As I waited for my characters to appear, I walked over to Luv2pwnu, who had already managed to log into his character. I glanced at his screen somewhat puzzled. He was in Ironforge, and the guards were not red, they were green and blue. Oh no, this could not be happening. I grabbed the keyboard from Luv2pwnu, who had a panicked look on his face. I hit the "C" key and my fears were confirmed. The level 60 orc warrior with tier 3 gear was actually a level 47 human paladin with green "of the Boar" armor. I thought it could not be any worse, and then I glanced down at the chat window. "4. L4G.[Luv2pwnu] omg, chuck norris once farted and killed 12 people." I sat in stunned silence at the betrayal. It was all a pack of lies.
In the depths of my despair, I looked over and saw that my character screen was up. I quickly logged into Spurlock. Pressing "O" I was relieved to see that Bludhoof was still logged on. I whispered a short prayer of thanks that this was not the one-hour each day that he logged out. Fighting the clock, I quickly typed a message to Bludhoof explaining what had happened. After I hit send, I sat waiting for his response. I knew that it would not be swift, for Bludhoof a new breed of gamers who rejected the use of the keyboard. He called it a crutch for people without mouse skills. Bludhoof instead used a mod that put a virtual keyboard on his screen so he could click each letter instead of typing them. When I suggested he take a typing class, he threatened me with guild expulsion and bragged that soon he would require all raiding to be keyboard free.
Finally, as the storeowner yelled it was time to quit, Bludhoof's response appeared on the screen. "Bring me 2 bottles of scotch, 19 pounds of pot and a picture of a hooker and a midget and all is forgiven." I breathed a huge sigh of relieve. It would be okay after all.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 12
When we arrived back at the facility early yesterday morning, the guards roughly escorted us back to our cells. They woke us up early the next morning and began two days of intense electroshock therapy. The 20 RAP that I spent on nature protection gear (a length of rubber hose to serve as a belt and a pair of rubber dish washing gloves) did not help, because the therapy still hurt like hell.
Even that pain, however, seemed small compared to the viper like sting of Luv2pwnu's betrayal. He was not only a nefarious paladin, but also a vile spewer of hated Chuck Norris jokes. He represented everything I hated in a wow player. Still, I reflected, until very recently, he had been a close friend and confidant.
I reflected on the irony of the situation. Often, Wow let's us meet and become friends with people that we would never associate with outside the game. The forty year old straight-laced accountant fighting side by side with the teenage goth girl and the grandmother of 7 to take down Nefarian. Outside the game, they shared little in common, and might go to pains to avoid each other. Inside the game, however, they were a team and relied on each other. The game helped them to transcend their real life differences. It was a beautiful thing.
It was different with Luv2pwnu. He and I had met outside the game. We had worked together as teammates and stood shoulder to shoulder in countless battles. Without him, would I have ever gotten the message to Bludhoof? In game, however, we couldn't be more different. I was an uber 1337 horde rogue raider. He was a despicable joke-spamming paladin. If Wow could help people transcend out-of-game differences, could "real life" help us overcome our in game differences? Didn't his out-of-game loyalty count for something? Hadn't he earned a second chance?
It was in that spirit of reconciliation that I approached Luv2pwnu after lunch. "Do you want to stay in the guild," I asked quietly?
"More than anything sir," he answered even more quietly.
I reached out and grabbed him by the collar, pulled him close, and whispered in his ear. "First, you reroll a warrior!" He nodded. "Good. Secondly, in 2 days I you need to bring me 4 bottles of scotch, 38 pounds of pot, a picture of a hooker, and a midget." Before I let go I whispered finally, "and I don't want to know how you get any of them."
Later that day I saw Luv2pwnu sitting at a table with Alachia, Sybil and Destiny. They were helping him choose his hairstyle and color for his new toon. Still later, Luv2pwnu presented himself proudly to me. His hair was dyed pink was pulled into pigtails. "Welcome back" I said aloud. Inwardly I groaned. I guess I had not told him he couldn't make a female gnome.
Yet despite his obvious bad choice, it was good to have my friend back. Things might still turn out okay after all.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 13
When we arrived back at the facility early yesterday morning, the guards roughly escorted us back to our cells. They woke us up early the next morning and began two days of intense electroshock therapy. The 20 RAP that I spent on nature protection gear (a length of rubber hose to serve as a belt and a pair of rubber dish washing gloves) did not help, because the therapy still hurt like hell.
Even that pain, however, seemed small compared to the viper like sting of Luv2pwnu's betrayal. He was not only a nefarious paladin, but also a vile spewer of hated Chuck Norris jokes. He represented everything I hated in a wow player. Still, I reflected, until very recently, he had been a close friend and confidant.
I reflected on the irony of the situation. Often, Wow let's us meet and become friends with people that we would never associate with outside the game. The forty year old straight-laced accountant fighting side by side with the teenage goth girl and the grandmother of 7 to take down Nefarian. Outside the game, they shared little in common, and might go to pains to avoid each other. Inside the game, however, they were a team and relied on each other. The game helped them to transcend their real life differences. It was a beautiful thing.
It was different with Luv2pwnu. He and I had met outside the game. We had worked together as teammates and stood shoulder to shoulder in countless battles. Without him, would I have ever gotten the message to Bludhoof? In game, however, we couldn't be more different. I was an uber 1337 horde rogue raider. He was a despicable joke-spamming paladin. If Wow could help people transcend out-of-game differences, could "real life" help us overcome our in game differences? Didn't his out-of-game loyalty count for something? Hadn't he earned a second chance?
It was in that spirit of reconciliation that I approached Luv2pwnu after lunch. "Do you want to stay in the guild," I asked quietly?
"More than anything sir," he answered even more quietly.
I reached out and grabbed him by the collar, pulled him close, and whispered in his ear. "First, you reroll a warrior!" He nodded. "Good. Secondly, in 2 days I you need to bring me 4 bottles of scotch, 38 pounds of pot, a picture of a hooker, and a midget." Before I let go I whispered finally, "and I don't want to know how you get any of them."
Later that day I saw Luv2pwnu sitting at a table with Alacia, Sybil and Destiny. They were helping him choose his hairstyle and color for his new toon. Still later, Luv2pwnu presented himself proudly to me. His hair was dyed pink was pulled into pigtails. "Welcome back" I said aloud. Inwardly I groaned. I guess I had not told him he couldn't make a female gnome.
Yet despite his obvious bad choice, it was good to have my friend back. Things might still turn out okay after all.
Gaming Addiction Clinic - Day 14
The final step of our therapy involved symbolically breaking our chains of addiction. The counselors required each of us to break a set of wow disks with an 8lb sledge hammer. When the counselor's were congratulating the other participants on completing the program, I bent down and peeled the registration codes from 5 of the disk sets. Those might come in handy some day.
I called one last guild meeting before we each headed back to our home realm. It was an emotional event. Like the game itself, our experience in therapy was hard to explain to someone who had not gone through it. We promised to send PM's and keep in touch.
&
As the plane reached cruising altitude over the Atlantic Ocean, I leaned back my seat and reflected on the two weeks' events. I had busted my ankle, gotten poison ivy on 30% of my body, estranged my family, lost my job, and had almost lost my DKP and coveted guild membership. I had beaten nearly a dozen men with crutches, and turned a former wow player and international fugitive over to the not-so tender mercies of goblin bruisers. Perhaps most disturbing, I had miss 57 schedule raids.
Despite all of this, I had survived with my love for the game intact. Soon, I would be back home on Scarlet Crusade with my friends.
I opened the folder on my lap and admired the high quality glossies that Luv2pwnu had proudly presented to me earlier in the morning. These were not mere pictures of a beautiful lady, they were works of art. I would have to scan them before handing them over to Bludhoof.
The bag under the seat in front of me shifted, drawing my attention to it. I gave the bag a hard kick, and after a quiet whimper, it stopped moving. What the hell did Bludhoof want with a midget? And how the heck had Luv2pwnu gotten the poor guy to swallow 38 pounds of pot and fit into my carry on bag?
|
WoWcast Story Session 3: Hunger
It had come to this. The days of self sufficiency were over. The worn plate boots and dulled out sword [insert insignificant sword name] had seen a solo champion through it all. But now Jeracan was starving and broke. He lips chapped and the taste of dry sand coursed over his tongue. He hadn't even a gold to make the necessary repairs to hunt. His stomach roared. Begging was not an option.
Every bit of his warrior instincts told him not to trust the old mage. But the old gnome, bedazzled in jewels and fine linen, offered a handsome reward for his services.
"What's in it for me?" Jeracan asked suspiciously
At first the balding old mage did not speak. Instead, his eyes fixed upon his own hands, whispering some chant. Then suddenly several full loaves of warm soft bread surfaced in front of the starving warrior. The aroma quickly filled the air of the gadgetzan inn.
Jeracan muttered to himself.
"I'm offering you an adventure, young man. You help me and my friends through this and you will be rewarded with enough gold to fill your bags and as much food as you could possibly eat for a week! And we'll gladly set you up with new weapons and armor. Money is no object."
"must be nice," he mumbled. Jerecan's hand instinctively went for a fresh loaf but before he could touch the food, he found his feet frosted to the ground. "no no no." the old mage laughed. "first, do you agree?" The smell of the bread was overwhelming. Jeracan swallowed the dry air hard.
Next to the them, a dark tauren druid sat engorging himself on a tender wolf steak. Jeracan's stomach reeled. He cursed his human desire for dark meat and cold ale. "all right.
All right" he reluctantly agreed, "What exactly do you need me for anyhow? And why me?" The mage laughed and directed his large glazed eyes on the warrior, "because you reek of desperation. You're the type of man who would do just about anything...for a price."
Just then the tauren druid bolted up hard and fast, knocking his glass of milk on the floor. A troll shaman stood in the doorway of the inn, a large smirk upon his face. The shaman pointed directly at Jeracan, yelling to the druid, "tis aman thas ti un" "you have history with these horde?,"the mage asked nervously. The druid shifted his stare at the battleworn warrior.
There was nothing familiar about this tauren. Then, Jeracan shifted his gaze downward. "I know that guild crest"..."I ran into a couple of his guys back in felwood. They were trying to hunt me down. Ugly scene really. One of them got away." Jeracan slowly gazed back at the troll who was approaching him. "seems like my past has come back to haunt me."
The troll, no more than an inch away from his face, squinted his eyes at the warrior. "go ahead you coward. I'll cut you up like the rest of your disgusting pals." "he's not going to touch you in here," the mage whispered, "come, let's take our discussion elsewhere."
Standing up, the mage's wrinkly head barely reached the height of the table. He instantly began chanting, his long white beard whipping around a magical force. A dark glowing aura burned beneath the feet of the mage and formed a swirling vortex before them. "let's go" the mage motioned towards the portal. Jeracan nodded and stepped through..
|
WoWcast Story Session 2
Lost in a Hard Drive Crash :(
|
WoWcast Story Session 1 by Zabado
With all her might Amiala heaved the raptor off of her as a thundering
eruption shook the ground for the third time today. She tried to stand but
staggered, catching her footing only by seizing her dagger's hilt embedded
in the beast's chest. She tried to draw a breath, dropping to her knee as a
sharp pain stabbed into her lung.
"Wonderful" she thought, slowly drawing a more deliberate breath, and
bringing her free hand up to assess the damage to her left side. She slid
into a painfully sitting position, her back to the large raptor she had just
slain.
"One..." she mumbled as she walked her fingers up her ribs. "Two...
three..."
After removing her scorpid scale breastplate, she pulled a large bandaging
cloth from her pack and wrapped it around her midriff, chastising herself
for letting a beast get the best of her. The mageweave was soft to the
touch, and it only took a few seconds for the tingling fingers of healing
energy to reach into her side and begin reconstructing the broken bones. She
smirked to herself as the sensation spread across her entire body.
"Maybe all that first aid training wasn't just a waste of time" she thought
to herself as she turned and grabbed her knife again, this time standing
with little effort.
She looked across the corpse of the raptor, her eyes falling on the
black-striped nightsaber lying in a heap a few feet from the bodies of the
other two raptors. She had come to sultry wetness of Un'Goro crater from the
arid heat of Tanaris in search of more suitable prey, a creature known as a
devilsaur, that was said to roam there. Panja had fought well, she knew how
to deal with raptors, but these were different somehow, bigger for one, than
any she or Amiala had ever seen. They also seemed more social, which was the
problem in the end; the desperate screech of one had drawn two others that
were a good distance off.
Amiala cradled the head of the nightsaber in her lap and wept softly.
This was not the first time Panja had been dispatched, and Amiala had used
the ancient ways of her ancestors to bring her back, but it never failed to
wound her deeply inside to see her beloved Panja, tamed as only a cub back
in Darkshore, injured to this extent.
"Entruiso, alanta..." Amiala began her chant, but before she finished the
ground shook again, startling her. This was not the somewhat regular
explosions from the volcano to the West that she had grown accustomed to.
This was a shaking like something of tremendous weight hitting the ground at
regular intervals.
"It's coming this way." She whispered as she hooked one arm under each of
Panja's front legs, dragging her over to a nearby tree and the protection of
some large, gnarled roots. She focused her mind, taking in every detail of
the sweltering jungle around her, the hum of insect wings, the smell of
sulfur in the humid air, and the location of every creature in the vicinity.
She sensed something very large, and as she hid with Panja in her arms
beneath the vines and roots, the largest creature she had ever seen
materialized from the steamy fog that seemed to hang everywhere in the
crater. It was definitely moving towards them, but not with intent. Amiala
released a soft sigh of relief knowing it had not been coming for her.
It moved like a raptor, but it was at least four times the height. Its
massive weight pounded the ground like an earthquake as it moved. Amiala sat
watching, still as a corpse, while the giant beast sniffed the fallen
raptors, then unleashed a terrifying roar that reverberated throughout the
jungle, scaring up some of the smaller creatures and revealing two rows of
razor-sharp teeth the size of broadswords. Twice more it roared. Then,
without warning it snapped up one of the raptors in its mighty maw, the
sounds of bones cracking and splintering like so much tinder beneath the
crushing power of its muscular jaw. There was no evidence of the raptor
left save the splotches of red on the ground where the monstrous devilsaur
had dripped long trails of slopping gore as it ate. After ingesting the
other two raptors, the devilsaur snorted and plodded off to the North.
"That, Panja" Amiala whispered as she gazed off to the North, idly stroking
the nightsaber's neck. "is the prey I came here for."
"Entruiso, alanta..."
|
| |
About WoWcast 